When contemplating just how far back my submissive desires extend, i have to think back to the days when, late at night, i would surf the internet as a teenager, and fall into deep holes of depravity. i think we all know how it starts. you’re looking for straight porn, then something that (at the time) seems ridiculous piques your fancy. For me, it was foot fetishes. i had always loved classy, leggy women in heels (i was an 80s baby, blame hours of Dynasty, Dallas and my mother’s Jane Fonda fascination), and i found images of them attached with images of sex, and thus it began. my interests then multiplied night by night, and pretty soon, by the age of 18, i had a secret fetish for everything from breasts (both huge and small) to redheads, plus-sized women, skinny Brazilians with huge cocks, black women in black leather, blonde white women with big wooden paddles, and so on, and so forth. i kept my fetishes private, and as they got weirder (in my mind) i sublimated my perversion deeper inside. By the time i graduated college, the idea of being swaddled in Pampers while sucking a bottle of breast milk and having a leather and chain clad Domme wearing a strap-on fucking me in the ass seemed heavenly.
It was at that point that i discovered two women. Dr. Gloria Brame and Nina Hartley. Brame’s a globally-published and well-respected clinician and sex educator, the author of Different Loving, a book that, in outlining the psychology behind every fetish, made me feel really comfortable about myself, and thus opening up to the world and feeling comfortable in my perverted and freaky skin. It’s a book that i suggest every submissive feeling fear about truly being themselves should read. As well, her website is a veritable treasure trove of great reading and ultimately, infinite mental comfort.
As for Nina Hartley? What else can i say? She’s a legendary pornographic film actress, but it’s now, after marrying pornographer Ernest Greene, where i sense her greatest worth to my (and our) lives as submissives. She has released a series of films the highlight best practices for safe and consensual play, and continues to act in films, now moreso in a dominant role with up and coming actors and actresses. As much as you’re certain to want to pleasure yourself when watching her, don’t. Listen and watch. She’s amazing, and if you’re a fetish completist (meaning that if it’s out there, you want to find your way into how it can turn you on or make you more open to your Dominant) like me, watching her, say, Dominate Belladonna and cause her to lactate, is an utterly mind-blowing spectacle. As well, as a male, it’s one of those times that you really consider taking estrogen and growing breasts (then getting nervous, sighing, and realizing that you just can’t go that far…yet).
In any event, here’s a podcast of Brame and Hartley having a conversation. It’s brilliant, and you’ll be better for hearing it.