Fan Mail, insight into the workings of the submissive mind

[So….    how does this tie into what I want from my interaction with Goddess?   From my casual exposure to her writings, I have full confidence that She has a full grasp of what it is to be Dominant and a Leader…..]

It is my supposition that You have the demeanor and experience to convey an aura of control to others beyond your immediate area (Hey!  That’s me!).   I’m not a true pain slut or a humiliation junkie.  Those acts in themselves don’t provide any real visceral pleasure or enjoyment to me in-and-of themselves.  What does get me “emotionally off” is overcoming or enduring those hardships as a sign of submission or devotion.  Hrm…  all though, I guess I have the kernal of a pain slut bubbling up in me….  I’ve done quite a bit of play with discipline pins in my current steel cage  (in that mode, I like to think of it as a voice activated remote control torture device).   I think I’ve come to associate a small level of CBT directly with the joys of submission.    Oh, Pavlov, he was so silly.  In general, I set two hard limits to what I won’t do:  No poop and no (intentional)blood.  I try to keep an open mind to experience and am willing to try pretty much anything once as long as I don’t see any long term or serious injury potential. As an example, my prior Keyholder wanted to create a rape scene.  It’s certainly something I didn’t wake up and think “Golly, I sure hope my ass gets raped tonight.”  However, it was something she wanted to do so I was all for it.  Well…. I learned that night that I probably wasn’t quite prepared for forced anal assault.  I blacked out at the initial not-so-gentle ram.  I think by the way we were situated or the short length of time I was out… Keyholder didn’t notice so I came back to wakefulness with nightmarish pain as she went to work.  I could tell she was certainly into it so it was definitely a test of limits.  The experience was horrible; the fact that Keyholder got off on it, was incredibly awesome. – and the pain for the next couple of days was a neat reminder of her power, that was kinda hot too ��.  … however, not something I really want to do again.. but totally worth doing it that one time.  Ideally I would hope my experience with you tickles/expands boundaries and the mode of that experience isn’t necessarily my focus… it’s the demonstration of control and submission they create that excites me.

How valid is submission in what, in effect, is a walk-up/cold start experience?  This is actually something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit.   Contacting someone I don’t know personally concerning fetish is something I’ve never done.  I’ll be honest, I think a lot/most kink is best conducted by people who have a basic familiarity with each other’s motives, emotions, trust levels, etc..  The ability to observe Your thoughts on Your blog/book/podcast helps as far as my ability to get a thumbnail sketch of who You are, which helps.  However, it doesn’t really measure up to personal exposure.  Regretfully, that’s not currently an option.  On the obverse side of things, You know very little about me other than a few emails -as a Dominant I imagine that would present its own problems (hence why I’m writing my thoughts now, to hopefully give you a better picture of me).  So… how valid is submissive play between a Dom and a sub when they have very little interactive history?  Well, first off, it makes it more of a game.  Which is perfectly fine.  However, at least on my part, I’ve rationalized that it doesn’t really matter that much… if it’s either a game or the result of long term play, the act itself is real.  Because the acts are real, it’s up to me to decide my own perspective on how I want to view them.

Which leads into my third quandary: a concern about making it about me, when in the proper mindset, my concerns should be secondary.   By initiating this process, I have made this a selfish act on my part.  It is my hope that  I can provide a satisfactory or positive response in You.  Oddly enough, just thinking about that is incredibly stimulating  (re: cock cage and discipline pin – which are now on to help generate my mindset) and the fact that it’s somewhat painful knowing that I should be thinking about how I can help make you enjoy your experience with me is quite exhilarating.  I definitely don’t hold FinDom as a fetish, and I  know You list this as an aspect of what You do.  On a plus, I do respect art and good work and have no problem contributing to that cause (really, it’s back to perspectives, I guess), so I don’t think that’ll be an issue.  If there’s anything else that I can do to make Your experience more enjoyable, please let me know.

Now that I’ve written this out and had some time to think about it on my drive.  I was wondering if You wouldn’t mind delaying my Chastity Challenge.  Instead, I’ll gladly offer the same gift for a thirty day ‘exposure/interaction time’ so I can get a chance to get to know You and You me.  After that, if things are acceptable, I’d like to experience the Chastity Challenge when I don’t have a requirement for an emergency key for work, etc..  I think I would like to experience it without having the assurance of having an emergency ‘out’ near-by (not that I would use it.. but knowing that there really is no way out is rather awesome).   As I initially contacted you with the Challenge in mind, I will understand if that’s the course You’d like to take.  I would also hope You take my alternative into consideration.  I will be fine with whatever you decide.

Thank you very much for Your time, I hope this was useful.  If you have any questions, I’m here to answer.

Fromthe guy who sometimes babbles too much when he writes

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